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Watching someone you love struggle with drugs or alcohol is frightening and you might not know where to turn. It’s true that you can’t force another person to change but the way a family responds can make it easier for them to accept help. Families can learn to handle an emergency, start important conversations, help their loved ones find treatment and get support for themselves along the way.
Key Points About Helping a Loved One With Addiction
- Call 911 if you think someone may be overdosing. Give naloxone if you have it and stay with them.
- Addiction is a treatable medical condition that changes the brain. Many people recover from it with evidence based care.
- Calm and short conversations that mention specific events and use “I” statements are more effective lectures or threats.
- CRAFT helps loved ones enter treatment about twice as often as comparison approaches.
- Setting a boundary means deciding what you will do, saying it calmly and being sure to follow through every time.
- Peer groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and SMART Recovery Family & Friends help families cope.
In This Article
- If Someone May Be Overdosing: What to Do Right Now
- Signs a Loved One May Be Struggling With Drugs or Alcohol
- Understanding Addiction as a Health Condition
- How to Talk to a Loved One About Their Substance Use
- What If They Don’t Want Help? The CRAFT Approach
- Interventions: When They Help and When to Be Careful
- Supporting Without Enabling: Setting Healthy Boundaries
- Helping a Loved One Find Treatment
- Support and Resources for Families
- Taking Care of Yourself
- Guidance for Your Situation
- Frequently Asked Questions
If Someone May Be Overdosing: What to Do Right Now
If someone may be overdosing, call 911 right away, give naloxone if you have it on hand, and stay with them. If you’re unsure then you should treat it like an overdose. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) lists these signs:
- The person cannot be woken up
- Slow or shallow breathing or difficulty breathing
- Choking or gurgling sounds
- Discolored skin, especially nails or lips
- Small and constricted “pinpoint pupils”
The CDC’s steps:
Naloxone and 911
Awake and Breathing
Lay Them on Their Side
Stay Until Help ArrivesNaloxone quickly reverses an overdose by blocking the effects of opioids, the CDC says, and it can restore normal breathing within 2 to 3 minutes. It will not harm someone whose overdose is not from opioids, and no prescription is needed. The Food and Drug Administration approved over the counter Narcan 4 mg naloxone nasal spray on March 29, 2023. Families can keep it at home.
The CDC notes that laws in most states may shield the caller (and often the person overdosing) from certain criminal penalties. The Legislative Analysis and Public Policy Association (LAPPA) says that protection is limited and differs from one state to the next.
If you’re having thoughts of suicide or facing a mental health or substance use crisis then you can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or chat at 988lifeline.org, any time of day or night. When someone faces immediate danger then dial 911. If you feel unsafe at home then see these domestic violence resources.
The CDC estimates that there were 69,973 U.S. drug overdose deaths in 2025. That’s almost 14% below 81,313 in 2024. The 2025 data are provisional.
Signs a Loved One May Be Struggling With Drugs or Alcohol
The first things families usually notice are changes in behavior, health, money and relationships. None of these changes on its own proves a substance use disorder. Only a clinician can make that diagnosis. A pattern of changes is worth a caring conversation.
Behavior changes:
- More secrecy about where they go or who they see
- Missed work or school
- Dropping hobbies and activities they once enjoyed
Physical changes:
- Shifts in sleep, appetite, or appearance
Social and financial changes:
- A new circle of friends
- Money missing or borrowed often
- Legal trouble
Clinicians compare these patterns against a set of criteria because substance use disorder falls anywhere on a scale from mild to severe. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) describes alcohol use disorder as “a medical condition characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use.” They grade the disorder as “mild (two to three criteria), moderate (four to five criteria), or severe (six or more criteria).”
NIAAA’s self-check questions show what clinicians look for. They try to determine whether the person often drinks more, or for longer, than they meant to; whether they have wanted to cut down but could not; and whether they have wanted a drink so badly they could not think of anything else.
What to watch for also depends on the substance and the relationship from the patterns behind opioid use disorder to the signs of substance use in teens and the signs of addiction in a partner.
Understanding Addiction as a Health Condition
Addiction rewires the brain’s reward system and weakens self-control so willpower alone is often not enough to stop. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) defines it as a chronic and relapsing disorder marked by compulsive drug seeking and use that continues despite harmful consequences. NIDA considers it a brain disorder, and these changes may last a long time after a person has stopped taking drugs.
Risk comes from many sources. Genes account for between 40 and 60 percent of a person’s risk of drug and alcohol addiction, according to NIDA, with environment, stress and life experiences shaping the rest. No one person causes a substance use disorder, and no family causes one either.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reports that many people with alcohol use disorder (AUD) do recover, and that evidence-based treatment can help people with AUD achieve and maintain recovery. Changing patterns takes time and repeated effort so setbacks are an expected part of the process, the NIAAA notes. For families, understanding addiction as a treatable health condition can take some of the blame out of a very hard situation.
Thousands of people become addicted to drugs or alcohol without ever seeing the warning signs. By understanding addiction, you can avoid this disorder and help others seek treatment. ...
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Last Updated: January 12, 2023
Read Time: 7 min
How to Talk to a Loved One About Their Substance Use
Find a quiet time when your loved one is sober, keep the conversation brief, and ask for one small and concrete step rather than lecturing. NIAAA advises a nonjudgmental tone. Decide on a single request before you start, such as one visit to a doctor or counselor.
How you have this talk matters. The Partnership to End Addiction teaches the positive communication steps of CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). These include being brief, being positive by saying what you want the person to do, being specific, labeling your feelings with an “I” statement, offering an understanding statement, accepting partial responsibility, and offering to help.
According to Smith JE, CRAFT teaches family members “to change their behavior with the identified patient to encourage treatment entry and enhance their own well-being.” The National Institute on Aging (NIH) suggests talking about your worries when the person is sober, using “I” statements such as “I am concerned about your drinking,” avoiding labels such as “alcoholic,” and offering rides to appointments or asking to join a doctor or counselor visit. The Partnership also offers this example of family wording: “I love you so much, and it hurts me to see you struggling with drinking.”
| Instead of | Try | Why it helps |
|---|---|---|
| “You’re an alcoholic.” | “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more than usual, and it worries me.” | A label ends the conversation; an “I” statement voices your concern instead (NIA). |
| “You ruined the whole night.” | “When you left the party early on Saturday, I felt scared and embarrassed.” | Points to one specific moment and how it made you feel, not who they are (CRAFT: be specific, label your feelings). |
| “You need to stop using.” | “Could we see a doctor together this week? I can drive.” | Makes one clear request and backs it with help (NIA: offer rides; CRAFT: be positive, offer to help). |
| “Why can’t you just get it together?” | “I know things at work have been overwhelming, and I can see how much you’re carrying right now.” | An understanding statement lowers defensiveness (CRAFT). |
| “This is all your fault.” | “I know I’ve been nagging you. I’d rather we find a new way to talk about it.” | Owning your share of the problem helps them hear you (CRAFT: accept partial responsibility). |
| Bringing it up while they are drunk or high | Waiting until the next morning: “Do you have a few minutes? I’d like to talk about last night.” | A sober, private setting gives the conversation its best chance (NIA; NIAAA). |
The examples above are built on CRAFT’s positive communication skills (Smith and Meyers), along with guidance issued by the National Institute on Aging and NIAAA.
Some things can make these talks harder: name-calling such as “alcoholic” or “junkie,” drawn-out lectures, arguing while the person is drunk or high, and making threats you will not follow through on. Count on some pushback at first, but remind yourself this is part of the process. Stay calm, end the conversation kindly, and come back to it another day. Practical help says more than another argument, so you can also try offering a ride to an appointment. While you plan what to say, it can help to look over these dos and don’ts for talking to a loved one about drinking.
What If They Don’t Want Help? The CRAFT Approach
When someone is not interested in changing, families still have options. One of the best studied is CRAFT, a program that teaches family members ways to encourage a loved one toward treatment while looking after themselves. It is an option to explore with a trained clinician or program.
CRAFT teaches four core skills:
- Positive communication: Using calm, specific language to address your concerns
- Positive reinforcement: Rewarding the times a loved one does not use
- Self-care: Allowing the family member’s own life and health stay intact
- Inviting treatment at the right moment: Initiating when the person shows real openness
CRAFT does not ask families to cut someone off or wait for a crisis. Partnership to End Addiction notes that it rejects the idea of tough love outright.
The research behind it is encouraging. A 2020 review of 14 studies recorded in the King’s College London research portal record reported that CRAFT helped loved ones enter treatment at about twice the rate of comparison approaches but outcomes differed widely with how CRAFT was delivered. Treatment entry rates ran from 13.3% for self-directed workbooks to 86% for programs combining individual and group sessions.
Families can find CRAFT in several ways. Robert J. Meyers is described on his site as the creator of the CRAFT approach. He lists certified CRAFT clinicians by state and country and his site cautions that a listing does not verify licensure so check credentials. Partnership to End Addiction publishes CRAFT guides for families and SMART Recovery Family & Friends meetings follow an approach that’s consistent with CRAFT. The book “Get Your Loved One Sober” by Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe also covers how families can apply the method at home. Learning to spot motivation for change can help with timing the invitation.
If there’s any risk of violence at home then safety comes first. Check in with a professional before trying new approaches and see the guidance on setting healthy boundaries.
Interventions: When They Help and When to Be Careful
An intervention is a carefully planned process that family and friends can do together. It’s a structured conversation in which they ask a loved one to accept treatment. It is planned and not a surprise ambush. If a treatment program is needed then Mayo Clinic notes that making arrangements ahead of time may help. This way, a person who says yes can enter care right away.
Good preparation is what separates an intervention from a confrontation. The steps in how to plan an intervention step by step come down to a short checklist before the meeting:
- Learn about the substance use problem and the ways it can be treated
- Choose the team carefully, keeping it to people the loved one trusts
- Decide on the specific request the group will make
- Write down what each person plans to say
- Research treatment programs, and check insurance and admission requirements
A professional should take part whenever the risks are higher. Mayo Clinic says one should attend when the person has a history of serious mental illness, violence or suicide attempts, has talked about suicide recently or uses several mood-altering substances. The clinic stresses that working with a professional matters for an intervention to succeed.
Even a well-planned meeting can backfire when it turns confrontational. Partnership to End Addiction cautions that the person may feel attacked or betrayed by their family, and that involuntary interventions seem to be less effective than voluntary ones. Families looking for a lower conflict option can consider CRAFT which teaches positive ways to encourage treatment instead of confrontation.
Supporting Without Enabling: Setting Healthy Boundaries
Real support helps the person, not the substance use. Excusing them to their boss or paying off drug-related debts can feel like help, but it shields someone from the consequences that can move a person toward change.
| Enabling | Supporting |
|---|---|
| Calling in sick for them | Letting them make their own work calls |
| Handing over cash whenever they ask | Paying a bill or the treatment program directly |
| Cleaning up after a binge without saying a word | Bringing it up calmly the next day |
| Bailing them out every time | Helping them connect with treatment or a lawyer rather than rescuing them |
A boundary is a limit you place on your own behavior, not a rule you impose on theirs. Decide what you will do, state it in a sentence or two while they are sober, then follow through. The Partnership to End Addiction advises families to set limits “that will protect your home, finances, and relationships,” and to stick to them. Money is one of the most common limits: rather than giving cash, cover a particular bill or pay the provider yourself.
The same idea sits behind CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training), described by the Partnership to End Addiction as “using positive reinforcement to focus on what is working” while the consequences of the harmful behavior stay with the person. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism makes the same point: Responsibility for managing the illness rests with the person who has the drinking problem.
Codependency is when your own life starts to revolve around someone else’s substance use. Learning what codependency means and the signs of codependency can help you spot it without blaming yourself. Enabling never causes an addiction.
Safety comes before any boundary. If a limit could trigger violence, talk to a professional or a domestic violence service before setting it.
Helping a Loved One Find Treatment
Care runs from outpatient counseling all the way to residential care and medications and no family has to guess which one fits. A professional assessment helps match a person to the right level of care. The main addiction treatment options sit on one spectrum: detox, supervised help through withdrawal, then inpatient rehab with around-the-clock care, stepping down through partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient care to standard outpatient rehab.
Medication can be part of care through medication-assisted treatment. The Food and Drug Administration has approved buprenorphine, methadone and naltrexone for opioid use disorder, and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) lists naltrexone, acamprosate and disulfiram for alcohol use disorder. Paying for care brings its own questions: Medicaid and state-funded programs exist, and it is worth seeing how insurance covers rehab before ruling anything out.
Programs that include family sessions are worth asking about: the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports that involving family members in treatment can positively affect engagement, retention and outcomes. Family therapy is one way programs bring loved ones in.
The search itself can start with free government tools. FindTreatment.gov is SAMHSA’s confidential and anonymous resource for finding state licensed treatment for addiction and substance use disorder and the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator guides a search for alcohol treatment for an adult loved one.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) is a free and confidential referral and information service that’s open 24/7, 365 days a year. It’s available in English and Spanish for individuals and families facing substance use disorders. You can also find treatment near your loved one through the Addictions.com directory of treatment centers by state.
800-681-1058
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Support and Resources for Families
Support for you and your family helps you cope, even if your loved one is not ready for treatment. Peer addiction support groups put you in touch with people facing the same situation, and a therapist can help with stress, grief or anxiety.
Each fellowship has its own substance focus, method and meeting style, so trying more than one is worthwhile. Nar-Anon Family Groups describes itself as a worldwide fellowship for those affected by someone else’s addiction. It’s built on the 12 steps and includes in-person and virtual meetings and Narateen meetings for teens.
Families Anonymous is a 12-step fellowship for the family and friends of people with drug, alcohol or related behavioral issues, and it lists virtual meetings online. SMART Recovery’s Family & Friends meetings are a dedicated space for people with a loved one who is struggling with addiction, aimed at building more effective coping strategies and communication skills, with online and in-person meetings run by trained facilitators.
ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families) brings together adults who grew up in alcohol-affected or dysfunctional homes to work the Steps and Traditions, with virtual, in-person, and telephone meetings.
| Group | Who it’s for | Format | Link |
|---|---|---|---|
| Al-Anon Family Groups | People concerned about a loved one’s drinking (12-step based) | In person, online and phone | Find a meeting |
| Alateen | Young people ages 13 to 18 hurt by someone else’s drinking | Virtual (app, electronic meetings, chat) plus in-person local meetings | Find a meeting |
| Nar-Anon Family Groups (and Narateen) | Loved ones dealing with someone else’s drug use (12-step) | In person and virtual | Find a meeting |
| Families Anonymous | Family members and friends of someone with behavior problems tied to drug or alcohol use (12-step) | Online meetings offered; use the directory to find local groups | Find a meeting |
| SMART Recovery Family & Friends | People whose loved one is dealing with addiction; builds coping and communication skills | Online and in person, run by trained facilitators | Find a meeting (choose “Family & Friends” under Program) |
| Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA) | Adults raised in a home shaped by a parent’s drinking or by dysfunction | In person, online and phone | Find a meeting |
| GRASP (Grief Recovery After Substance Passing) | Those grieving a loss to substance use | Groups across the U.S. and Canada, plus online meetings | Find a meeting |
Therapy offers a different kind of help. Individual therapy gives you space to work on your own stress, grief or anxiety, while family therapy brings family members into sessions together. If your loved one is in treatment, you can ask the program whether it offers family sessions.
You can also find resources for families closer to home. Doctors, hospitals and local health centers can point you toward support, and so can schools, community programs, faith groups and the employee assistance program at your workplace.
If you have lost someone to substance use, GRASP (Grief Recovery After Substance Passing) is a community for people bereaved by substance use or addiction, with local meetings across the U.S. and Canada and virtual meetings listed on its site.
Taking Care of Yourself
Living with someone who may be struggling with drugs or alcohol is exhausting, and your health matters too. Their substance use is not something you caused or can control, and making time for yourself does not mean abandoning them. CRAFT treats self-care as part of the work: the Partnership to End Addiction describes it as “Taking real steps and developing a real awareness of what it means to take care of yourself.”
Small daily routines keep you steady:
- Keep a regular sleep schedule, even when nights are hard.
- Eat real meals, and move your body most days.
- Stay in touch with friends you trust.
- Keep up the activities you enjoy.
Support helps you too. The Partnership to End Addiction says getting support for yourself can make conflicts easier to handle, and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) encourages family members to seek their own support and to consider professional help for depression or anxiety. If low moods or worry build, talk with a doctor or therapist; in a crisis, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is there.
When children are in the home, keep their routines steady and answer their questions honestly in words they understand. Groups like Alateen and Narateen exist for young people affected by a family member’s drinking or drug use. If your child’s other parent is the one struggling, supporting children when a parent drinks brings its own questions.
Change takes time. NIAAA notes that acknowledging small successes “can go a long way,” and that patience is needed because setbacks are expected.
Guidance for Your Situation
The right first step depends on who this person is to you. Find the card that fits.
For a partner, learn the signs your partner may have a drinking problem and pick a calm moment to talk. If there is any abuse at home, safety outranks every conversation. Co-parenting adds one rule: the children’s routine and safety come first.
Parents of a teen or young adult watch for warning signs and learn where helping ends and enabling begins. Partnership to End Addiction runs family support: “Speak to one of our trained specialists by phone, email or text” at 855-378-4373, or “TEXT CONNECT to 55753,” plus online support groups led by parent coaches. In its words: “Our help is free, confidential and safe.”
For an adult son or daughter whose parent may be struggling, Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and Al-Anon offer understanding, and the NIAAA Navigator helps with finding treatment for an adult loved one.
With a friend, the Partnership suggests picking a time when neither of you is under the influence, opening with “We care about you and we want you to get help,” then setting limits and finding support for yourself. With a coworker, lead with care, pick the right moment, and mention the workplace’s employee assistance program if it has one.
Frequently Asked Questions
Sometimes, depending on your state. A number of states allow involuntary commitment for substance use disorders, but the rules and who can petition differ, so look up the law in your state or consult a lawyer; a December 2024 LAPPA summary compares them. Voluntary routes tend to work better, Partnership to End Addiction notes, which is the idea behind the CRAFT approach.
No. No single person causes an addiction. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), an estimated 40 to 60 percent of the risk comes down to genes, with environment and age also playing a role. Families can influence recovery, but managing the illness is the person’s own responsibility, NIAAA notes. Taking care of yourself matters too.
Be careful with cash, because it can end up paying for substances. Offering to pay a specific bill, or paying a treatment provider directly, is a safer option, and setting limits protects your own finances, according to Partnership to End Addiction. The guidance on setting boundaries has more.
It can be a reasonable precaution. Naloxone, the medication that reverses an opioid overdose, is available over the counter with no prescription needed, according to the FDA, and the CDC notes it will not hurt someone whose overdose involves non-opioid drugs. Keeping it on hand makes sense when someone at home uses opioids or drugs that might contain fentanyl. See what to do in an emergency.
A lapse is a reason to revisit the treatment plan, not proof that recovery is impossible. Setbacks are expected when someone is changing long-standing patterns, as NIAAA and the National Institute on Aging note, and many people adjust their aftercare and relapse plan and keep going.
Yes. FindTreatment.gov, run by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), is a confidential and anonymous treatment locator, and the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator is designed to help you find alcohol treatment for an adult loved one. The Addictions.com directory lists treatment centers by state, and finding treatment covers the steps.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 is free and confidential, answers questions and refers individuals and families to treatment at any hour, in English and Spanish. A therapist or a family support group can also help, and support groups explains what they are like. In a crisis, call or text 988.
Call 911 right away when you or someone near you is in immediate danger. Safety comes before any conversation, boundary or treatment plan. A domestic violence service can help you make a safety plan, and these domestic violence resources are a starting point.
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