Am I Dating an Addict?

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It can be hard to admit when someone we care about might be struggling with addictive behavior, especially during the excitement of a new romance or the stability of a long-standing relationship. But if you are concerned that you may be dating someone with a substance use disorder, there are a number of signs you can look for to find out if your significant other is misusing drugs or alcohol, or engaging in another type of compulsive behavior, to the point of addiction.

Signs of Intoxication

Many people enjoy drinking occasionally, but if your significant other is constantly showing signs of drug or alcohol use, there is a possibility they might be addicted. Some of the common signs of intoxication include:

Know the warning signs of addiction so you can get your loved one needed treatment help.

• Red-rimmed, glassy, or bloodshot eyes
• Slurred speech
• Repetitive speaking
• Swaying or stumbling
• Giggliness
• Restlessness
• Extreme mood changes
• Drooping eyelids
• Excessive sweating
• Smell of alcohol, smoke, or chemicals on their breath or clothes
• Drowsiness
• Nausea

According to the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, “If a person shows a combination of several signs, or has a sudden change in behavior, that could be a strong indication that the person is intoxicated.”¹ However, one of the stronger signs of addiction is when the individual you are dating seems to be intoxicated constantly. They might also go outside or to the bathroom often when you are out together in order to use, which is another sign that they cannot control their substance use. If you notice these signs consistently in your significant other, they may have an issue with substance use.

Remember: Someone Can Be Addicted to a Behavior

Drugs and alcohol are not the only things a person can become addicted to; some people develop addictions to behaviors like sex, shopping, internet use, and gambling. If the person you’re dating really likes playing poker online, it’s not likely that they are addicted to gambling. But if they consistently experience major problems in their lives that can be traced back to their gambling, there is a strong possibility that they may be addicted.

According to Health Direct, “Addiction is defined as not having control over doing, taking, or using something, to the point where it could be harmful to you” or those around you.² Addiction also causes a person to act compulsively, where they cannot control their dangerous behavior or stop engaging in it, sometimes even when they want to. There are many ways to recognize when a person’s behavior, whether it is associated with substance use or not, has become harmful and compulsive.

Behavioral Signs of Addiction

Addiction is a complex condition that can cause people to act differently than they otherwise would. Behavioral signs are some of the most observable ways to tell if the person you are dating might be struggling with a substance use disorder, as these can occur even when the individual is not currently under the influence of any substance. Behavioral addictions can also cause people to act in unusual ways and to engage in many of the actions listed below.

Some common behavioral signs of addiction that you may notice in someone you are dating include:

• Secretive behavior, including lying about where they have been
• An unwillingness to discuss certain parts of their life or personality
• Hostile behavior when you bring up your concerns about their behavior or substance use
• Paranoia
• Not wanting you to see where they live
• Forgetful behavior (forgetting dates, not calling when they say they will, etc.)
• Not eating regularly
• Exhibiting violent outbursts and/or sudden mood swings
• Decreased interest in physical appearance
• Seeming to always be drinking or using drugs, “even when alone”³
• Making excuses to use drugs or alcohol
• Constantly using drugs or drinking alcohol after others around them have stopped

Not all of these signs are definite indicators of addiction, but noticing one or more of them consistently can point to a serious issue. The person you are dating, whether you have been with them for a long time or not, may be struggling with substance use or another addictive behavior if they are exhibiting many of these traits.

Other Signs of Addiction

There are a number of other signs that could point to addiction in an individual, and because you are dating them, it is likely that you are privy to certain information others may not see. This can help you determine whether or not the individual is truly in trouble and what you can do.

Other signs your significant other may be struggling with a substance use disorder or behavioral addiction include:

• A living space littered with empty liquor bottles or drug paraphernalia like:

o Bongs

o Pipes

o Needles

o Cotton balls

o Foil

o Rubber tubing

o Razor blades

o Spoons

o Burnt matches

o Pill bottles

• Paraphernalia or substances hidden throughout their living space
• Serious or minor health problems with seemingly no explanation
• Refusal to see a physician about these issues
• A kind and positive personality one day that shifts to a moody and distant disposition the next
• Consistent financial problems, even when they have a good income
• Constantly engaging in certain behaviors, whether it is sex, shopping, dangerous acts, or other actions, that cause problems in their life
• Persistent inability to perform sexually as a result of drug or alcohol use

When these signs begin to add up, they can indicate that someone you are dating may be living with a substance use disorder, which can be difficult to accept after you have begun dating someone you truly care about. Addiction is a serious condition, and it is important to understand how you can protect yourself from a codependent relationship or other harmful situations.

What Should I Do?

If you believe you are dating someone with a substance use disorder, it is important to decide the best and safest course of action for you. Addiction can cause people to act in dangerous ways, and it is important to protect yourself, even if you decide you still want to support the person in their recovery.