How to Ask for Help With Drug or Alcohol Use

Deciding you want help is one thing; saying it out loud to another person can feel like the hardest part. You can begin with a person you trust, your doctor, or a free call or text line, and a single honest sentence is enough to start. If someone is in danger or has overdosed, call 911 now.

Who Should You Ask for Help First?

Start with someone who will listen and keep what you say private: a close friend or family member, a doctor you already see, or a free helpline when talking in person feels like too much.

Pick someone safe who will keep it private and does not drink or use with you. When the people closest to you drink or use drugs too, go straight to a helpline, a doctor or a support group like AA, NA and SMART Recovery instead.

A doctor can do more than listen: the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) calls talking to a primary care provider an important first step, since they can evaluate drinking patterns, help build a treatment plan, check overall health, refer to specialists and prescribe medications. The NIAAA adds that Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs provide peer support for people quitting or cutting back on their drinking, and work well alongside treatment from health care providers.

If saying it out loud feels impossible, write it down: a letter, an email or a text message is a real first step, and the sample lines in What to Say When You Ask for Help give you a start.

Reading this for someone you love?

What to Say When You Ask for Help

Be brief and concrete: say what is going on and what you are asking of the person. No diagnosis, plan or full account has to come first.

Choose a quiet, private moment to raise it, when you can be sober, and keep it well away from an argument. Next, say plainly what you would like from them: a person who will hear you out, a lift to an appointment or a hand placing a call. Any of the lines here works as a starting point. Change the words so they sound like you.

Saying it in person

> “There is something I need to share with you, and it is not easy to say. My drinking has gone past what I want, and cutting back by myself is not working. Will you help me work out my next step?”

> “My drug use has me worried, and I can’t keep facing it on my own. Can I talk to you about it?”

> “Would you come with me to a doctor’s appointment? I’d feel better not going alone.”

Sending a text

When the words will not come out loud, a text can still start the conversation.

> “Hey, can we talk later today? I’ve been struggling with drinking and I want to get help. I’m nervous to say it out loud.”

> “Lately I have been using more than I am okay with. I am ready to accept help. Can you call me tonight?”

Talking to a doctor or nurse

Say what the visit is for when you book it, and the time gets set aside for that conversation.

When booking:

> “Can I schedule a visit to discuss my drinking with the doctor?” (or “about my drug use”)

In the room:

> “I’ve been using [substance] about [how often], and I have not been able to stop when I try. I am asking for help, and I need to know if stopping on my own is safe for me.”

If speaking is hard, write it down instead and hand the note over:

> “Saying this out loud is hard for me, so I put it in writing.”

The note only has to cover three things: which substance you use, how often you use it, and that you are asking for help.

If calling a treatment program is your next step, see what to ask when you call a rehab.

How to Talk to Your Doctor About Drinking or Drug Use

Say it plainly: name what you use, how often you use it, and that you want help. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) calls talking to a primary care provider “an important first step”: a primary care provider can check your overall health, evaluate your drinking patterns, help you build a treatment plan, refer you to a specialist, prescribe medications, and assess whether an alcohol use disorder medication may be appropriate.

A doctor may ask questions first, and honest answers help make the advice safe:

• What you use, and how much and how often
• How long it has been going on
• Whether you have tried to stop before
• Any other medications you take
• How your mental health has been

Be honest about amounts: quitting some substances all at once can be dangerous. Stopping heavy, long-term drinking suddenly can bring on “a painful or even potentially life-threatening process of withdrawal,” with symptoms that can include nausea, rapid heart rate and seizures, the NIAAA says, and a doctor can prescribe medication that makes withdrawal safer. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) warns the same way about benzodiazepines: stopping them abruptly, or lowering the dose too quickly, “can result in withdrawal reactions, including seizures,” and those reactions “can be life-threatening.” Talk with your doctor before you stop. That is why the sample line above asks whether it is safe to stop on your own.

If you worry that being honest means getting forced into rehab, read about what happens when you tell your doctor first. Privacy is mostly on your side: the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) says the HIPAA Privacy Rule covers “most doctors, clinics, hospitals” and health plans. Under it, the details you share generally cannot be passed on without your written consent unless the law allows it, and generally cannot go to your employer without your authorization.

From there, your doctor may suggest a type of treatment, maybe starting with medical detox, and you can read about what treatment involves before deciding.

Free, Confidential Lines You Can Call or Text

If talking to someone you know feels like too much right now, free public lines answer day and night. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) runs the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357), a free, confidential treatment referral and information service in English and Spanish for individuals and families facing mental or substance use disorders. The Department of Health and Human Services describes it as a way to get treatment referral and information about mental health and drug or alcohol use disorders, prevention, and recovery. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention also lists the line’s TTY number, 1-800-487-4889, and a text option that routes your ZIP code to 435748. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline names alcohol or drug use concerns as a reason to reach out, and it says conversations are free and confidential, with Spanish text and chat and a Deaf and Hard of Hearing option.

For a search with no phone call at all, SAMHSA’s FindTreatment.gov is a confidential and anonymous resource that helps you find state-licensed treatment near you. In an overdose, a medical emergency or immediate danger, call 911 at any time. Worried you will not find the right words on the phone? See what happens when you call.

If It Doesn’t Go the Way You Hoped

Shock, anger or denial often come first, and that first response is often not the final one. Whatever the answer was, your options stay the same: ask someone else, call a free helpline, or talk to your doctor today.

Give it a little time, then try again, in person or in writing. If it still goes nowhere, have a plan B:

• Ask a different person you trust: another relative, a close friend, a sponsor or a faith leader.
• Call a free helpline and talk it through with someone trained for this exact conversation.
• Bring it to your doctor or a support group meeting, where asking is the whole point.

Asking someone you know is only one route in; there are other ways to get sober if this one stays shut.

In a crisis, or when home is not safe, reach 988 by call or text. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free and confidential, answers calls and texts 24 hours a day, every day of the year, and helps people with alcohol or drug use concerns too. In an emergency, call 911.

Asking took courage, and a hard answer does not change that. When someone says yes, knowing how to get ready for treatment keeps the momentum going.

Frequently Asked Questions