Emotional Sobriety Explained
Emotional sobriety is an important stage in the addiction recovery process. The term “emotional sobriety” was coined by Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson in 1958 in his AA Grapevine article titled The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety.
Recovery from substance abuse happens in stages and involves much more than abstinence.
The Substance and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines recovery from substance use disorders as “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life and strive to reach their full potential.”
In the article, Bill W. introduced the idea that true recovery means not only achieving abstinence (the cessation of substance use), but also achieving mental and emotional maturity and life balance as well.
What is Emotional Sobriety?
Achieving abstinence starts the recovery process. But abstinence alone is not enough.
You can “white knuckle” it and use willpower to refrain from substance use, and yet still not be recovered if you have not also achieved emotional sobriety. (This is known as the “dry drunk syndrome”).
Emotional sobriety, or emotional recovery from addiction, addresses the underlying issues that trigger the urge to use. Emotional sobriety starts with increasing your self-awareness to better identify drug use triggers.
Then you must learn and use healthier emotional coping strategies ( mindfulness, social support) and improve your self-care ( sleep, eating, exercise habits) to deal with triggers without turning to substances.
Finally, you must take responsibility for your actions and commit to making productive, life-affirming choices for yourself and the people you care about.
Emotional sobriety increases your self-confidence and leads to positive, self-directed lifestyle changes that create a healthy and fulfilling life.
Signs of Emotional Sobriety vs. Emotional Relapse
Emotional sobriety brings balance, inner peace, resilience and stability to your life. Without it, you are vulnerable to falling back into unhealthy habits and self-destructive patterns, the backsliding that often marks the beginning of the relapse process.
Addiction relapse research identifies commonly experienced relapse stages: emotional relapse (where conditions like isolation and poor coping skills set the stage for relapse), mental relapse (when cravings/desire to use and the desire to be sober conflict) and physical relapse (a return to substance use).
The first stage, emotional relapse, is a time when the intent to return to use has not yet been formulated, even though the conditions and triggers are present.
During this early stage, a recovering person has a good chance of avoiding a full relapse if they decide to embrace emotional sobriety and begin working to attain the necessary skills.
Warning Signs of Emotional Relapse Include:
- Isolation, withdrawal from friends or family
- Suppressed emotions, emotional numbness
- Mood swings: switching between anger/irritability and passiveness/lack of concern
- Defensiveness; sensitivity to advice/criticism
- Blaming; avoiding self-responsibility
Emotional Sobriety Involves:
- Experiencing and managing emotions (using logical, thoughtful analysis that prioritizes honesty) rather than repressing/avoiding feelings or acting out inappropriately (using denial, victimhood, blaming or manipulation)
- Learning and using positive, healthy emotional coping skills ( inner reflection/mindfulness; journaling; deep breathing; exercise/yoga; self-compassion)
- Using self-restraint and self-responsibility
- Sharing feelings with a trusted person like a therapist, counselor or spiritual advisor
Why Emotional Sobriety Reduces Relapse Risk
Emotional sobriety creates new habits that support a physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy lifestyle, one that is sustainable over time, rather than being temporary.
When you are physically healthier, are mentally and emotionally balanced, and are at peace spiritually, you do not need drugs or alcohol to deflect or dilute uncomfortable feelings or problems.
Instead, you have tools and strategies to help you face problems and challenges feeling confident and capable.
You are more resilient and can better address setbacks without needing a crutch such as substance use. Your improved mental and emotional state usually translates to improved relationships and greater social support.
Your new lifestyle becomes habituated and old, self-destructive habits are no longer compatible with your values and thus reduces your risk of relapse.
Key factors that reduce the risk of relapse include:
- Improved coping tools and strategies that replace self-medication via substances
- Stronger social supports, restored relationships and rebuilt trust that provide protective mechanisms and supportive boundaries
- Greater self-esteem, self-confidence and self-compassion that counteract prior self-destructive tendencies
How to Build Emotional Sobriety
If you want to increase your emotional sobriety, embrace the following strategies:
Learn and use positive coping skills.
Improve your overall well-being by adopting good habits for nutrition, like eating whole, healthy foods vs. ultra-processed foods. Practice good sleep habits and exercise regularly.
Learn positive emotional coping skills by reading, attending classes or attending group meetings such as Emotions Anonymous. Consider counseling with a professional therapist or spiritual advisor.
Explore your spiritual nature. Create daily or weekly routines for meditation/prayer. Spend time in nature. Journal. Practice gratitude. Volunteer and be of service to others.
Take part in evidence-based therapy practices.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a talk therapy often used in substance abuse recovery. CBT helps clients identify and change irrational, negative, self-destructive thought patterns and encourages positive, self-affirming beliefs and behaviors.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) helps clients manage intense, overwhelming emotions and impulsive behaviors.
Used in substance abuse recovery, DBT can help manage the distressing feelings associated with cravings. DBT also teaches mindfulness practice, a major tool to help manage triggers.
Contingency Management Therapy (CM) uses rewards and positive reinforcement to encourage positive behavioral change.
It can be utilized within therapy, or it can be self-directed. For example, you might designate a reward for yourself when you reach a sobriety milestone.
Take part in a support group
12-Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or alternative groups like SMART Recovery or LifeRing Secular Recovery provide peer support, education and accountability for recovering individuals.
The built-in sense of community is a key aspect of support groups that combats loneliness and fosters connections.
When Emotional Growth Feels Harder Than Quitting
Gaining emotional sobriety is hard work. Overcoming years of self-destructive thinking and behavior patterns does not happen overnight, and it is not a simple, easy task. It requires true commitment and perseverance. But it is certainly worth the effort.
Few things that are more life-changing and life-enhancing than achieving physical and emotional sobriety from substance use.
While it may seem to be a monumental task at first, you can put it into perspective by breaking the larger goal down into manageable objectives.
Set and reach incremental steps toward your goal and celebrate each milestone. Develop positive routines and practice self-care. Find and use social support options. Use professional help when needed.
Self-Supportive Strategies:
- Focus incrementally: start by aiming for 5-10% improvement. When you are easily managing this amount of improvement, increase your goal.
- Reframe negative assumptions: When you become uncomfortable with emotions that are surfacing, think of the discomfort as proof that you are in the process of healing. Embrace the discomfort and appreciate it as a sign of growth. Journal your emotions, focusing on the positively shifted mindset.
- Be gentle with yourself and others. Take deep breaths to dispel anxiety. Use calming strategies like meditation, music and walks in nature.
- Prioritize your well-being. Maintain daily and weekly healthy routines.
- Call on your support network. Use friends and support groups regularly and professional advisors when appropriate.
Emotional Sobriety FAQs
Is Emotional Sobriety the Same as Being Sober?
No. “Being sober” traditionally refers to physical sobriety and abstinence from using substances. You can be physically sober and remain mentally and emotionally in the same condition you were before you stopped using.
Emotional sobriety requires addressing your mental and emotional needs and healing these so that long-term, positive habits and a new, healthy lifestyle are created.
What is Dry Drunk Syndrome?
This refers to the circumstance of having ceased using substance(s) yet still maintaining the self-destructive mental and emotional thinking and behavior patterns that were associated with the addiction.
Such behavior poses a high risk for relapse, as the unaddressed underlying issues often resurface along with the addiction habit that was used to suppress them.
How Long Does Emotional Recovery Take?
Experiencing emotional recovery and achieving emotional sobriety varies according to the individual and the circumstances: from a few months to several years–depending on the type of circumstance or trauma experienced.
Regardless of the timeline, it is important to keep moving forward and use a support network.
Can Emotional Relapse Lead to Substance Relapse?
Yes. Emotional relapse is the first stage in the addiction relapse process. If not addressed, self-destructive mental and emotional thinking patterns and behaviors, such as isolation and suppressed emotions, can trigger additional relapse behaviors and a return to substance use.